Harriet Lou (Doane) Gray

Burlington

Harriet Lou (Doane) Gray, 83, passed away on Saturday June 11, 2016 at University of Vermont Medical Center in Burlington.

Harriet was a beloved wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She was born on August 3, 1932 in Brooklyn, NY, to the late Charles and Mary (Batten) Doane. The family moved back to Vermont a couple of years later to take over the family farm in Fairfield. Harriet loved growing up on the farm, even if life there could be lonely for her as an only child. She particularly loved summer visits from her cousin, Caroline.
They enjoyed riding her pony, Lady, and the family draft horse.

Like her parents, Harriet attended high school and boarded at Lyndon Institute. During her sophomore year, she met and fell in love with her future husband, Donald Gray, a freshman. After graduation, she attended college at UVM for one semester and then transferred to Burlington Business College, where she received a degree in 1952. Harriet and Don married shortly after, on February 15, 1953, the wedding anniversary of both sets of parents. They had three children: Michael, born January 22, 1954; John, born February 24, 1955; and Peter, born February 12, 1957.

After marrying, they lived in Charlotte, where Don worked on a farm. A year and a half later, Uncle Sam called him into the service. During Don’s basic training at Fort Dix, Harriet split time between both sets of parents. She gave birth to John midway through Don’s training while living with Don’s mother, Martha Calcagni. At this time, she developed a special bond with her mother-in-law that lasted the rest of their lives. She and her two infant sons joined Don in Colorado Springs where he was stationed at Ft. Carson. Released early from active service, the family moved back to Vermont, where Don attended UVM on the GI bill, graduating in 1960. It was a challenging time for a young family living on a tight budget. Harriet worked part time in medical offices and at the UVM bookstore during the holidays. With three young children, they were beyond busy as they worked and studied.

After Don’s graduation, the family moved to St. Albans, where he began work as a mechanical engineer at Union Carbide. Harriet was active in the community during the 13 years they lived there. She particularly loved working with children. As a member of the Congregational Church, she taught Sunday school. She also taught in a private kindergarten, served as Den Mother for the local Cub Scout pack, and was a member of the PTA, serving as president for two years. Harriet also belonged to the local Home Dem group, where she pursued her love of crafts, including sewing, needle point, beading, knitting, crocheting and painting. In 1973, Don was transferred to Bennington, where they discovered their love of square dancing. Harriet put her skills to good use, sewing many square dancing outfits for herself and Don.

Harriet gardened avidly, growing both flowers and vegetables. She always planted a summer vegetable garden in St. Albans and Bennington and also had many flower gardens. In St. Albans, she had a large hollyhock patch of many colors by the side of the house, large boulders in front of the house in Bennington became beautiful rock gardens, and cactus and rose gardens adorned the park model in Mesa, Arizona.

She also loved animals, and pets accompanied her throughout her life. Most beloved among them were Heidi, her dog who lived with her in Bennington, and her cats, Little Bit and Ebony. Her love of horses also never left her, and she passionately followed the Triple Crown races. Harriet also donated to many animal rights organizations and humane societies.

Camping and traveling were two other favorite activities. The family tented at many campgrounds in Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine. On one particularly memorable four-week camping trip in 1967, the family towed a pop-up tent trailer to visit relatives near San Francisco. On the way, the family revisited Colorado, and saw many new sites, including Yellowstone Park. Grammy Calcagni joined them on the return trip, allowing her to visit her father’s grave in Oregon, which she had never been able to visit before. They also loved the family camps on Fairfield Pond and Nichols Pond in Vermont. Many summer days were spent there with family while fishing, swimming, and watching sunsets to end the day.

After Don’s retirement in 1989, Don and Harriet bought a motor home and toured the country with their cats, further indulging their passion for travel. They especially enjoyed visiting parks like the Grand Canyon and Canyon De Chelly. Eventually, they spent winters in an RV park in Mesa, Arizona, returning each summer to the camp on Fairfield Pond. Ever community-minded, Harriet enjoyed volunteering in the park’s Welcome Center and library. She also served as coordinator of the activity center and took many classes, including stained glass and silversmithing.

Harriet is survived by her loving husband of 63 years Don Gray of Burlington, three sons and their families: Michael Gray and spouse Ellie Hayes of South Woodbury; John Gray and spouse Samantha Ridge of Brooklyn, NY; Peter Gray of Jericho; her two grandchildren, Andrew Gray and spouse Ethan Jacobs, and Kristen Gray Jafflin and spouse Claude. Harriet is also survived by her two great grandchildren, Lucas and Lily Jafflin, her much loved cousin Caroline Jarrett and pet cat Moriah. She was recently predeceased by her daughter-in-law, Phyllis Gray (Peter’s spouse).

The family extends grateful thanks to the University of Vermont Medical Health Center doctors, nurses and staff on McClure’s 5th floor for their compassion, care and support.

A memorial service will be held on Saturday July 16, 2016 at 3:00 p.m. at First Congregational Church of Essex Junction. A reception will be held following the service in the church. No other services are planned at this time. Contributions in Harriet’s memory may be made to the Franklin County Humane Society, 30 Sunset Meadows, St. Albans, VT 05478. The family invites you to share your memories and condolences by visiting www.awrfh.com.